SEPTEMBER INTERVIEW with Julia Thacker
Julia Thacker’s debut collection To Wildness was recently awarded the Anthony Hecht prize by Paul Muldoon. The book makes its way through the wilds of New England, grieving the family born and buried there. To Wildness is enamored with the world of sense, yet lingers close to the realm of the dead. It is elegiac, yet fiercely vital, prizes holiness as much as irreverence. It brings all of these loves to life through exacting, brilliant language.
Julia Thacker was published in Issue 26 of Four Way Review and is interviewed here by Amery Smith.
FWR: To start – To Wildness is your first book, but it’s also (as you mention in an essay you wrote for Women Writers, Women’s Books) the first sustained bit of poetry writing you’ve done since grad school. What do you think you learned about yourself as a poet after finishing the book, and returning to poetry after so long? What differences (craft, writing philosophy, etc.) have you noticed between “MFA Julia” and “To Wildness Julia”?
JT: My return to poetry was entirely intuitive. The desire to reengage with the genre simply came over me like a fever. What became clear to me at the outset was that as a mature person, I had access to a voice with more tonal range. As a young writer, I’d recognized that my poems, though well-written, were stilted by what I’ll call their “high seriousness.” Then and now, I admired the work of Denis Johnson, especially his collection The Incognito Lounge, which moves from a high register to the vernacular, from ironic to lyric to self-effacing in the course of a single poem. While few of us will ever hit those heights, as an older writer, I have access to a fluidity and range of tone I didn’t possess during my first go-round as a poet.
Completing this collection also confirmed for me that I am a miniaturist. For years, I wrote and published short stories in journals and magazines, and tried many times to weave these pieces into a full-length novel. When I picked up poetry again, I vowed not to quit until I’d published this book. Bringing To Wildness to fruition taught me I’m best suited to the short form across genre, and I’m fine with that. I learned to be true to myself.
FWR: When you say that “as an older writer, I have access to a fluidity and range of tone I didn’t possess during my first go-round as a poet,” what specifically about getting older do you feel gave you that tonal range?
JT: When I was young, I considered poetry the highest form of literature. I was intimidated by the genre. My early poems don’t reflect the wit and humor present in spoken language. Now, with a wide range of experiences behind me, I’m more at ease in juxtaposing lyric with the vernacular.
FWR: I wanted to ask you about To Wildness’s structure. Paul Muldoon praises the book’s four-part structure for its range, both thematic and formal. How did that structure emerge? What did you feel like the poems were telling you about how they wanted to be ordered?
JT: Indeed, as you suggest, I did listen to what the poems were telling me about how they wanted to be ordered. They are often smarter than I am, and I follow their lead. Most of the pieces in the first section were written early in the composition of the manuscript. They’re foundational. They establish the world of the book, its subject matter and elegiac stance. And in these initial pages I wanted a variety of styles and forms, a sense of surprise from poem to poem.
My work is dense with imagery. The Roman numerals announcing each of the four sections offer a pause, breathing room, the calm of white space. My hope is that each section stands as a unit with a distinct narrative and emotional arc. Part II is a six-page sequence in the guise of “notes” in fragments, each with a parenthetical title. The sequence depicts a mother/daughter relationship over a lifetime, but the chronology is fractured. The elliptical nature of this piece required a section of its own.
Part III of To Wildness further interrogates their themes and formal experiments in the previous two. Here, for instance, are what I call the “backwards” poems, with hard right hand margins and ragged left hand margins such that the lines seem to be floating on the page. Part IV is noisy with ghosts. Often referenced in previous sections, they come alive in this final suite, as though they’d been conjured.
To Wildness opens as the speaker is in late middle age. In the final poem of the book, she is a young woman living on Outer Cape Cod, a spit of land at the edge of an ocean, learning to be an artist. Over the course of the book, time is collapsed and fluid.
FWR: I think one powerful example of the many dichotomies To Wildness bridges lies in “Soul Wears a Crown of Milk Thistle”. We usually consider the soul to be the body’s direct opposite, separate from all the goods and bads we associate with embodiment. In “Soul Wears…Thistle,” though, the soul romps up and down the coast, isn’t afraid to get intimate or “vulgar” (“Washes her unmentionables / at the sink. Bleaches her mustache” and “swims in her drawers”), and — paradoxically — even has a body of its own (“Sand makes a dune of her body”). What led you to think about the soul in ways like this, in both this poem and in others throughout the book?
JT: I was brought up in the Southern Baptist church. My grandfather was a preacher whose dramatic and beautifully delivered sermons were something to behold. I am a secular humanist. And while I don’t subscribe to his system of belief, I am quite attached to the trappings of my childhood: the language of the King James Bible, the hymns, the paper fans decorated with reproductions of Biblical scenes and stapled to Popsicle sticks. The speaker in my poem “Doxology” declares “I am my own God, my own high priestess./Mine own book of timothy./… Protector of sayeth, goeth. It came to pass.”
My family was religious, but far from sanctimonious. They were hysterically funny. My mother, upon being promised she would one day take leave of her corporeal shell and ascend to Heaven in new form, a celestial body, said, “Well, I hope it’s a long, skinny one.” As for me, rather than thinking of the soul as a spiritual essence which requires redemption, I imagine her as independent and not at all well-behaved. In “Soul Wears…Thistle” she is free from the constraints of doctrine and social mores, free from the person to whom she is assigned. She lives as she pleases. I celebrate this world, this moment. What is more holy than wading in cranberry bogs or eating tomatoes off the vine?
FWR: The book switches effortlessly between prose and lineated poems, yet both succeed in using language spare and precise enough to close around the concrete or tangible. What do you think is the relationship between To Wildness’s prose poems and the other poems? What has writing prose poems taught you about line poems, and vice versa?
JT: Without lineation, a prose poem depends upon the sentence, its syntax, diction, rhythm and richness of language. There are writers I respect who don’t believe there is such a thing as a prose poem! I disagree. I’ve always been fascinated by that hybrid animal. One of my favorites is “Lavender Window Panes and White Curtains” by Juan Ramon Jimenez which I first read in a translation by Robert Bly. Here, metaphor, imagery and nuance are embedded in a tapestry of language which announces itself as a poem rather than a prose piece:
“I have been planting that heart for you in the ground beneath the magnolias that the panes reflect, so that each April the pink and white flowers and their odor will surprise the simple puritan women with their plain clothes, their noble look, and their pale gold hair, coming back at evening, quietly returning to their homes here in those calm spring hours that have made them homesick for earth.” *
I enjoy the challenge of varying the shape and form of my poems which are otherwise cohesive in their preoccupations and voice. In To Wildness, there are poems in couplets, tercets, sequences, lineated stanzas and of course the prose poems. Though they appear in various forms, they are all image-driven and in conversation with one another.
I don’t know that prose taught me much about writing poetry except perhaps how to sketch a character in a few strokes. Poetry, however, has informed my prose quite a bit in its particular use of language, concision and resonant detail. My story, “The Funeral of the Man Who Wasn’t Dead Yet” (AGNI 51), for instance, is image-driven and compressed with an attention to musicality.
*Selected Poems: Lorca and Jimenez, Chosen and Translated by Robert Bly (Beacon Press, 1973)
FWR: I also wanted to explore how To Wildness thinks about ghosts, especially as connected to grief. Mirroring how the book writes about the soul, To Wildness’s ghosts are surprisingly tangible. The ghosts populating the book’s final section find joy in working with their hands. They yearn for the fruits of the earth, and even taste them (“Aubade”) — in ways that mirror first-section poems where the living also do these things. I’ve pulled some lines from the first and fourth sections as a comparison:
To be elbow-deep in a barrel,
arms gloved crimson,
to make of simple labor
prayer…
……
Today we must work
with our hands until they are
no longer hands…
(excerpt from the poem “Plum Jam”)
Ribbed squash, king-pumpkin with its thick curling
stalk. Persimmons, verily orange and magenta, the weights
of sunsets in my hand. Egg-shaped plums shivering
on the conveyer belt.
….
Let me touch them as they pass.
Let me sweep up the shadows
of my boot prints and store them in a locked box.
(excerpt from the poem “Bag Boy Works Harder Now That He’s a Ghost ”)
What drew you to this way of thinking about the dead? Do you feel like it’s opened up new ways of thinking about (or even processing) grief?
JT: The way I think of the dead goes back to what my kin would call “my raising.” My family has deep roots in Harlan County, Kentucky. And they’re all great story tellers. My mother was raised in a series of coal mining camps, where my grandfather, Roscoe Douglas, was a crew foreman, and later a Baptist preacher. For them, life was precarious and death not uncommon. My great uncle Andrew, my grandfather’s beloved younger brother, was killed in a mine accident at 17. But even thirty years later, when I was a child, Andrew was constantly invoked, his movie idol looks, musical talent, the story of how after the slate fall that killed him, their sister went running through the camp to tell my grandfather before someone else got to him. Then she heard his voice a distance down the tram road and thought, “Well, Roscoe’s singing,” But as he got closer, she realized he was sobbing, and she couldn’t stand it, She hid behind a tree and stopped up her ears. That scene is as vivid to me as memory. My grandparents had eight daughters. One was stillborn. Another died of influenza as a toddler. Yet my grandmother always responded “eight” when asked how many children she had. Their names and the particulars around their losses were told and retold to us. My baby aunts. In the Upper South, Memorial Day is called Decoration Day when we carried picnic baskets, blankets to spread on the ground, and armloads and armloads of flowers to spruce up the family headstones.
In that culture, you might say the dead exist alongside the living. Storytelling is an act of devotion which allows us to process grief.
To Wildness contains so many references to ghosts that by the fourth and final section, it felt only right to embody them in all their eccentricities and desires, to give them voice. Some are benevolent and protective. Others are capricious troublemakers, like members of any extended family.
- Published in Featured Poetry, home, Interview, Monthly, Poetry
THE BABIES by Dara Yen Elerath
I am watching the babies. The gray one in sticky pants who keeps picking his nose. The pale one with headlice, scabies and fleas. I am watching the babies. This one choking on a plastic bottle. This one talking to itself in the dark. I am hauling the babies to the park, to the library, to the pool. The orange-hued baby is dirty and plays with crayons. The makeshift baby is taped together like a cardboard box. Where did these odd babies come from? Why are they languid and dull—limp in their cradles as loaves of bread? Why do I find them now in the garbage, now in the fork drawer, now in the kitchen sink? I grab a pink one crawling from between my thighs. I clutch a yellow one suckling upon my breasts. I find one hanging from branches like a piece of fruit. This one I dug from the dirt like a vegetable freckled with roothairs and worms. I gather the babies and turn them over, looking for the maker’s mark, but find no scrawl, no autograph, no trace of when or how these babies were made. I try to abandon them, but they come crawling after. I put them in a hamper, but they clamber out and grab my hair. These babies are my babies. I take them everywhere. This one carries my kneecap. This one carries my thigh. This one carries my heart.
- Published in Featured Poetry, Issue 33, Poetry
YESTERDAY AUSTIN TOLD ME TWO SWANS by Arro Mandell
drowned a local man
for coming too close and
Thomas and I laughed but
I still think if I don’t count my teeth
they’ll be taken, can’t
be careful enough out here.
Last night I stepped onto a
stage heaped with dead
fish. I was looking for the right
earrings and late to tea. An
army approached but
I couldn’t quite remember
to remember. Downstage
trenches crept closer and closer
to the cafe. The man with the sword
hoped to take my life. Twenty-six
teeth. More than I
started with but less than
I once had. Am I missing
something? The skirt of my blue
dress was just a little too tight
for me to throw punches
but I wasn’t worried–
the tea was so good
and so warm. The fish
stank and I didn’t notice.
That night my lover had made us
a bed in the open window so we
could sleep listening to the rain.
My days hemorrhage;
I can barely recall what
I’ve done with them.
Yesterday Thomas told us he
almost lost his hands
in a freight elevator and
afterwards looked at them
all day astounded and now
doesn’t think of them
anymore without getting
a little sick. Last night I woke
horrified at the war, at my body
pale as the fish, and stared
at the shadows of houses the gleams
of wet bushes the drunk trees and reached
for my lover’s sleeping hands.
I’d known them a couple
days didn’t want them
to cover any of my
confusions, didn’t need
to borrow a future from them.
They would kiss both my cheeks
quick and I liked to look at their eyes
the little chip in their left iris where the blue
dripped into the whites. I looked
as long as I could in the dim
morning with no sun and
no wind but they were already driving
cities away leaving me stunned
at what I didn’t have
and hadn’t known to want.
- Published in Featured Poetry, Issue 33, Poetry
PASSTHROUGH by Haley Lee
After the play we talk while
we wait for the C with our shoes
touching on the platform. Say,
when the magician unrolled
the sea, an old tunnel in us
burst open. Lights off, all
air – with you I believe
in water wrung from paper.
They didn’t need to use names
to make us understand the whole
premise is being alone at the
end. Can I say, I like when
the train gets stuck. For a click,
time stops dying in us. And
at the end, we only want to
go again. Against the current:
delay my breath.
- Published in Featured Poetry, Issue 33, Poetry
GOLD by Kunjana Parashar
Lately, I’ve been yearning for things: car keys,
houseplants, dhurries, cubes of ice, petals,
but really for something skin-deep. I keep
addressing myself as we; like I am the bull
& I am the matador. I am the prayer and
the devotee. We are prying open our mouths
to sing. We are the ear and we are the song.
We are two rundown radios talking
in a frequency none of us knows
how to reach, let alone emit our rightful sounds.
I’m trying to be someone other than me.
I’m trying to be the woman who shucks
oysters clean. Dredges them from
the depths of the sea with her bare teeth.
I’m trying to be her gold tooth, her
one and only, mended with the light
of the auric sun. Changing the form
of what’s obscene in me. Filigreeing
my fucking bones. All the crops
of all the lands genuflecting
to the bright brag of me.
- Published in Featured Poetry, Issue 33, Poetry
BLUE PERIOD by James O’Leary
It’s 9:31 PM where the end
of the city tinges the sea. An empty
spiderweb hangs motionless between
the blinds & the closed window leaking
the street’s neon onto the unmade bed. No
moon. Not even the comfort of wine,
bottles shaped like the body I want,
& will never have. I keep thinking about
the group of boys I passed huddled
around their broken car like priests over
an altar. I want to drink, to forget;
it makes the fashion of my sadness
tolerable. Driving on the highway, city
-fluxed, sober, trying to ignore my engine
light, my mind’s tidal drift reminds me
I never made it to my childhood
best friend’s funeral. Avoided it,
so I didn’t have to see his family,
the sharp angles of his still face. The radio
asks where the joy has gone; I try
to find it, I do, admire clouds, make food
for the people I claim to love. & the difference
between a claim & a lie is my hands,
their learned fluency in devotion
under the passage of each spent moon.
& the difference between the end of the sea
& the start of the sea, is how I feel
when I open the window & listen
to the pages of the water turn. Tonight
the sky tastes like ozone & time—I buy
a bouquet of chrysanthemums
for my beloved, a full tank of gas.
There’s safety from suicidal ideation
in imagining the material reality of the other
drivers, the names of their daughters
or sons as strange as wildflowers
a loved one might leave
on their sudden tombs. After
I spend the night piecing back together
what fragments I can still
recall of my first friend’s face,
I am however sober it takes
to watch the ghosts
of our hometown retreat
from the blanket of the rising sun.
- Published in Featured Poetry, Issue 33, Poetry
THE YEAR YOU DIED by Vasvi Kejriwal
05/19:
A tornado flung a fridge into the bones of a tree.
Its bark, gnarled, like the mouth of someone, new to grief.
05/22:
I found your pen at the edge of the dresser.
Yet to collect dust, it held your fading
fingermarks.
06/18:
Then, hunger as a thing to be unafraid of.
How the terrapin emerged from a wallow,
found two lions erasing blood from the jaw.
Alone, it tried to get them to leave.
06/30:
I wore my death wish in secret
like a talisman. A fifth ocean to drown in.
07/07:
The panda was no longer endangered.
08/10:
The smaller zipped pouch, within the larger zipped compartment,
of your toiletry kit—as if its innermost secret.
Here, I found a condom. Unopened, sealed in plastic.
Expired a year and 3 months before you passed.
09/27:
The moon came without menses.
Finally spoke: Go to sleep.
10/06:
I grew closer
to being older than you’ll ever be.
11/19:
While civilians reached Space, I reached
for the silhouette of a stranger.
My body, flailed, like a fish stunned with air,
underneath his weight.
12/08:
I made a word that combined surrender
with vomit—knees, cold with linoleum, bent against
what your body could not hold—picking up
what X-rays could not.
01/01:
The world spun without you in it.
02/05:
Skin prayed but there was no skin to touch it.
03/11:
Like an invasion on a thousand hooves, the monsoon
paraded town. The house you’d built, quivered.
04/10:
A boy dipped out of a coma and stared at his own name
like it was combustible.
05/12:
When they came for clothes for the orphans,
your parka with the broken zipper—
I banished to the shadowed end of my drawer.
*
- Published in Featured Poetry, Issue 33, Poetry
TWO POEMS by Caroline Richards
Recovery poem with jargon
After reading Auden, I water my moth orchid with ice cubes
and watch a girl with green hair draw a benzene ring in white erase.
I pay attention to time. I arrange my table of books into heiroglyphs
and try to say something before the sun sets. In Midsummer Night’s Dream,
I am the forest. In tarot, the hanged man. In nightmares, the bottle
with infinite volume. Carpe noctem and carpe diem chasing each other
like clock hands. A möbius band. The shadow-harp. Carbon. Auden himself.
Recovery poem with an ocean between it
I came to understand vastness the way we come to understand anything.
The last seat opened in the church pew. I could see the top of the black casket,
I could smell the white lilies.
That’s just it, something in me moved to make room for one more.
Something bore a hole in my head and disappeared again.
The funeral came before the death, the grief before all of it.
In other terms, water is unlike dopamine except in its absence.
Then its presence is thorough as a flood. Gray water, downed trees,
pathways sealed. Chemical imbalance I was told in the white office
on the white paper, as though I could point from the same shore they did.
As though the tide had not come in and buried the sandbar where I once stood.
- Published in Featured Poetry, Issue 33, Poetry
TWO POEMS by Corinna Rosendahl
from Scenes from the Seconds
It was written
for an exhibition
that at
the end of her life
Louise Bourgeois circled back
to her birth1
When I did as asked
like long hair
I pulled my fire back
1Unknown
***
Henceforth and forever I am my own
mother2
crouched in dirt
squinting at the root
Oh but now
it’s just my look
loosened
to dive and surface
as if to risk worth
beyond birth
after which
the introductions are endless
2Roland Barthes, “Mourning Diary”
- Published in Featured Poetry, Issue 33, Poetry
PARIS by Elly Bookman
At seventeen I gazed a good ten minutes
at Saint Catherine Labouré’s incorruptible
palms around a rosary. Soon
I’d learn to drive a manual transmission,
the backward N of the ascending gears.
The still-war had been on for more than a year,
and there was something so similarly earned
in her un-atrophied grip. I knew
someone must’ve tended in secret to
the wax around her hands and face, and
that they’d given themselves a soldier’s
kind of grace, balancing deception against
the miracle it presented, like the clutch
and gas pedals at the moment of change.
It took a while to find the feel for it—
the confidence to hover between the two.
In the end it was something like joy, but
greedier. Like flying back across the ocean
to a peaceful country, where nothing decays.
- Published in Featured Poetry, Issue 33, Poetry
FLEVATO by Richard Siken
We are going to poison the rats, announced the Transit Authority. They had posted fliers but no one was reading them. The subway was crowded. I was late and trying to think diagonally, up and around the corners. I wasn’t used to it. I grew up in a flat land where there was no descending. The ground was too hard. The Transit Authority was responsible for a lot of signage—the trains had letters, the stations had names. There were arrows on everything. It was a lot to take in. I took the D train to work. I worked in a bookstore. I was responsible for fiction A through M. I took books out of boxes and put them on carts. I climbed the ladders and stocked the shelves. The ladders had wheels on them and slid back and forth in front of the shelves. I loved them. After work I would go drinking and then fall asleep on the train home and wake up in Coney Island. There was a sign at the far end of the Coney Island station platform that said FLEVATO. It had an arrow. I didn’t know if it was a place or a thing. I was always too rattled or blurry to check. It started to bug me. It was a mystery. I would climb the ladders at work and try to imagine it. I couldn’t imagine it. I lasted nine months. In the city, I mean. I burned through my savings, abandoned my things, and flew home broke. Before I left, I decided to find the FLEVATO. I took the train to Coney Island. I walked to the end of the station platform. The letters on the sign had peeled. The R was gone, the E was damaged. The sign read ELEVATOR.
- Published in Featured Poetry, home, Issue 33, Poetry
TWO POEMS by Alexa Luborsky
I was the wet cloth that kept the phyllo damp.
I was the rag that lifted and didn’t catch
the edges of things. I was lamplight.
In another place, I was shaina maidel.
Here, though, I was khokh- memory
and nots- space. I was khokhanots.
I was the kitchen, a whole geography
with borders of mother
and step-father. Bubbie was nowhere
here. She left herself
to be used by my hands. Something sticky—
I remember my place. The damp rag.
Sam’s dark skin shining through
thin sheets of dough like a frame
for me to enter. My mother, the baster,
scattering walnuts. We held
our breaths, Sam’s hands initiated
their curtain call: the placement of
dough on walnut.
Phyllo, diaphragm of breath. Phyllo,
second skin too easily aged by unsteady hands.
Curtain. Sash of sweetness.
This was my mother’s kitchen
on a Friday. It was almost Easter,
so we made paklava. It was
Pesach, so I couldn’t
eat it. Pulped walnuts
thrown on tin sheets.
Her voice cocooning the words:
Never buy them crushed!
I should write this down.
I’m too busy watching the maw
of phyllo laid down like a memory
to care about this recipe for myself—
I’m humming zucchinis—
my sounds long in Armenian.
No one minds squash any season.
I grow like this, keeping
my mind elsewhere. I don’t call to Bubbie
willingly. Without her, I know how I’m supposed
to move: All Armenian. We are doing the same things with our wrists
whether it is 1915 or no. Opening
our palms to cup something
paid dearly for. All words, papery layers of seed coats
stem out of the walnuts, manuscripts of black ink.
I crush them sideways
with the blade of my tongue.
I’m a good –nots. A good recipe
for what I am missing. I pull the cover
from a mirror. Memory space
meant only for one part of me.
Bubbie has never been
here. I dance and I sing
an Armenian dance, an Armenian song.
Why don’t you clap for me?
I say to her even though somewhere she might
actually be clapping. I know this
and still can’t see her making
a sound. There is an Armenian “I”
and a Jewish “I” and somewhere
there’s my body. The walnuts, shipwrecked
at the bottom of a syruped lake sit split
up on the tin sheet. Every one of my homes has its season.
Notes & Acknowledgements (Excerpt)
I was my own gravity. Enclosed in overlap, I occluded myself to feel like myself,
a bound thing, an ancestor of what I couldn’t feel. That oculus of a buried archive
dug down in the dark like a hole for me to enter as water. I wanted to be myself so
badly I made myself into a shape that had already promised to hurt me. So badly, I
shook the letters until they left me no choice but to announceknow what it felt like
to be unjust. To justify. I’d given up. I drowned myself in the
sounds To count her ribs, the iambics of her back breaking, I couldn’t make. I
asked myself to be long like bread between teeth. But now I am too tired to plead
like the water of me, the wound of me, andmy case. I confess, there is something
tragic in obeying I meant it even when I could a kind of becoming that blossoms
the longer it is ignored. not contain it, shouldn’t have tried. So I asked for the
person I buher her under apricot trees. I bless her like a promise. I loved most
inside me to leave.A lantern under their mausoleum. I make a gesture as if to II
danced and performed myself in all
the forms I could image myself into. If I tell you begin. I cannot think of
it. I cannot think of it this way my borders are not real,looping the diameter of
neck. She does not mind being a you’re forced to see the quasars spin, theorem. A
sentence is a theorem. She, an unfinished one. forced to see movement at the
edge I imitate the arcs of stars. Imperfect, never truly returning. of the atrocity
photographs that are so violent they’veeach pass. A shift so small it is
imperceptible at first, had to pull themselves from their time-
our bodies make each other under the pull of proximity. lines down into an unseeable mass.A
natural law. I am encoding a message only she can read. You’re forced to see
them move, as light, as My wrist flicks scatter the gods I called to bless. A lyri
dance. Dance, a mechanism of survival caught between absolute and absolution.
Circumcisiofor the Armenian people. Between battles, warriors religion from
proper heliocentrism to calf. A god unto would dance, their pinkies knittedherself.
Slain inheritance. My mother told me, be carefutogether, circling with the velocity
what you love. How could I not? O, arabesque of of a we I can’t access. This
we,Theachine of the beloved that turns her into antithesia we to honor their
survival, a we to defend the edges of Polar coordinates of self made manifesto of
other. the place you love with the outline of things Recursion of self and
self-conscious create the pitch of you make yourself into. What do you ask a
caravan hum. Doves babbling to each other like judges. I keep her of survivors of
survivors of survivors like a newborn abandoned in the shade, alive, waiting to b
except to survive? I asked them to stay and protected and
picked up by another. If this with whatever version of me I could manage, on the desperation, I don’t know. Later that evening, we made absurdity of the page so
we madzoon of her mother’s of
could dance in front of the gaps What else is there to say? …….,
their bodies made in the archives. I called to them’d I needed to know what it felt
like to be unjust. To justify. so you, reader, might see us dance, full of watert
her ribs, the iambics of her back breaking, of life, not spilled in the fields
the Turks like bread between teeth. But now I am too tired to made barren
from care, using the American Empire case. I confess, there is something tragic in
as an example of how. I asked myself a kind of becoming that blossoms the longer
it is ignored. to stay a little longer, just a little longer, inside the shape I buher her
under apricot trees. I bless her like a prinside the shape I’d tethered myself to,
until the vibration A lantern under their mausoleum. I make a gestuo of me
was too strong
to contain the mass I’d accumulated and I collapsed begin. I cannot think
of it this way. The blade, a curve a black hole, a point ofooping the diameter of
neck. She does not mind being a tension shelled in knowing. theorem.
A sentence is a theorem. She, an unfinished one. I’d left open the shroud of
my ancestral imitate the arcs of stars. Imperfect, never truly returning.
tongue. I couldn’t say I love you so I saidat each pass. A shift so small it is
imperceptible at first, it in cut fruits, just like my grandfather our bodies make
each other under the pull of proximity. had, just like he told me his father A
natural law. I am encoding a message only she can read. and his grandmother had.
I was taught how to makmeMy wrist flicks scatter the gods I called to bless. A
make silences, and then I taught caught between absolute and absolution.
Circumcision of myself how to make them visible. Still, I can’t say religion from
proper heliocentrism to calf. A god unto anything in my great-grandmother’s
herself. Slain inheritance. My mother told me, be careful dialect except with my
body,what you love. How could I not? O, arabesque of knife. this body that
survived through The machine of the beloved that turns her into antithesis. her
body’s survival. I opened the wounds of the names Polar coordinates of self made
manifesto of other. that hadn’t been spoken for generations and Recursion
of self and self-conscious create the pitch of
mispronounced them. What did you expect? hum. Doves babbling to each other
like judges. I keep her I wrote about places I should’ve beenike a newborn
abandoned in the shade, alive, and wanted revenge like it could cleanse picked
up by another. If this comes from mercy or me. Righteous in anger, I drew myself
apart like those desperation, I don’t know. Later that evening, we made
photographs of the genocide had taughtmadzoon of her moth eri
me to, destroyed myself away
from the air, from life, to live’d I needed to know what it felt like to be unjust. To
justify. as someone without ease. I laid down into the shapes I’d
seent her ribs, the iambics of her back breaking, and hoped would make me feel
less. Less guilty, like bread between teeth. But now I am too tired to less
alone, less. To miss it less. To miss Hayastan less. case. I confess, there is
something tragic in To miss life less. To miss being kind of becoming that
blossoms the longer it is ignored. someone without shame less, as if that longing
could lay I buher her under apricot trees. I bless her like outside my
body on a page. This was the
fallacy A lantern under their mauseum. I make a gesture as if t I clung to, wrote
into
my fingers rested on an ink that didn’t satisfybegin. I cannot think of it
this way. The blade, a curve the urge to know. All I knewlooping the diameter of
neck. She does not mind being a was that I couldn’t make it easy theorem. A
sentence is a theorem. She, an unfinished one. for you, reader. Show
you a spectacle the arcs of stars. Imperfect, never truly
returning. vwithout the cost of looking: I’m not here. Weeach pass. A
shift so small it is imperceptible at first, have erased the me that could have our
bodies make each other under the pull of proximity. written this. I turned to my
shame, A natural law. I am encoding a message only she can read. a shame that
was mostly my oppressors’ and said we makeMy wrist flicks scatter the gods I
called to bless. A so you couldn’t say No. Not me. caught between absolute and
absolution. Circumcision of You couldn’t redefine the stakes of agency with
shock. religion from proper heliocentrism to calf. A god unto Let’s hold our
pinkies high like we’re herself. Slain inheritance. My mother told me, be careful
mountains, holy, sacred, thewhat you love. How could I not? O, arabesque of
knife. Caucus Mountains, that we The machine of the beloved that turns her
into antithesis. are a we that never had to leave, never had to be this Polar
coordinates of self made manifesto of other. formulation of we
at all.
- Published in Featured Poetry, Issue 33, Poetry